Transitions

Transitions are always near the forefront of an expat's mind. With so much going and coming, as well as moving here and there, transitions are a part of life living abroad. 

I remember coming back to Beijing, one year ago, after visiting home in California for the holidays. At first it was hard for me. I was depressed. Soon after I joined the gym and it got better (I guess there really is something to the whole working out and mental health thing). On a level of one to ten, ten being a complete basket case that needs locking up, I would say last years post holiday transition for me was about a five. That transition was smoother than that of moving here, thank goodness, which I would rate about a seven. That was when hubby had to unhook the router to the internet because I WAS booking a plane ticket home!

This Summer was about the same as at Christmas, a five I suppose. It took me a good week to venture out again. I was nervous to speak Chinese and I really missed my family and all the great times we had together. Plus the Giants were still playing and winning and I hated not being there for the World Series! Plus there is nothing like being in your parents home, the same home you grew up in!

I didn't quite know how this time would be, after arriving back in Beijing after being in Hawaii with my family. I have been surprised at how easy it has been to transition this time for me. I would rate it a two!  I've been thinking about why this is the case. 

I believe, first, it has been an easier transition because we did not go home for Christmas. Skipping the mainland and meeting my family in Hawaii was a fun choice at the time,  but I was worried I would soon regret it. After all, we would miss seeing all of Hubby's side of the family. That is a huge sacrifice for everyone that I am appreciative of. Also, Christmas doesn't feel like all that much like Christmas in Hawaii. It was a great time and I am glad we did it, despite the sacrifices. But not seeing my home, my parents home and my in-laws home didn't allow my heart to be pulled back there, which made my Beijing home much easier to come back to.

Also, we are coming up on our 18th month here in Beijing. It is true that time changes everything. It really does feel like normal and our home now. This is the first time I've come back and things like mucus on the sidewalks and blackened snow only partly gross me out. I barely even flinched at the loogie hawking this week. Seeing familiar faces, after being gone for two weeks, makes me happy. Noticing small changes in the neighborhood gives me feelings of nostalgia. I even ventured out, only after a day home! 

This brings me to my anxiety about our upcoming transition...that of going home! In about six months we will be ending all of these adventures and opening up a new chapter. At this point, we have no idea of where we are headed in the States. At the beginning of this we thought we would be going right back to our exact life in the exact same location...that just may not be the case. It stinks that now that I am really loving the perks of living here it will all be over. The thing about two year assignments is that you spend your whole first year gearing up and your last year winding down. Three or four years would be ideal. Is that me that just wrote that? Don't tell hubby!

Of course, I am worried about our next move. It will be more permanent than this move to China. The US can be a scary place with crime and classmates that are not as accepting as students at International schools. After all, students at International schools are very used to accepting new students. I do know, however, that we will get through this next transition the same way we made it through these last ones...with lots and lots of earnest prayer. 

My Dream Life~ I'm Living It

Ever since I was little I  pretended my life was a movie. Do with it what you may, but sometimes a thought will still cross my mind like, "if I were a movie character right now, what emotion would they see?" or "what type of soundtrack music would be playing right now if this were a movie?" or "who would play me in this movie?"  

I know it sounds pretty 

psychotic 

pathetic 

NUTSO. 

I chalk it up to all my wasted time, after school, watching HBO...

I was a latch key kid.

I also think that somewhere inside of me I have a story to tell. I love to write and I am just waiting for my story to come out. That is one of the reasons why I love this blog so much!

Today I had a movie moment. 

E has been home sick with the flu. What better way to nurse a sickness than to watch movies all day long? We had just finished watching New Years Eve. I am a total and complete sucker for NYC movies. Serendipity, Miracle of 34th Street, Something Borrowed, How To Lose A Guy in Ten Days, Breakfast at Tiffany's...the list goes on and on. If there is a scene with Central Park, the Brooklyn Bridge or Time Square I am absolutely giddy. I yearn to be the lead, living life in the big city, riding the subway and ordering take out from the corner restaurant. 

After the movie was over I bundled up in my full length down jacket (for all of you visual people like me) to take the dog out. It was then that I realized I am already living in my own movie dream. I do live in a big city, though it is not New York. In some ways it is even better than New York. For example, my fear of being mugged or murdered is considerably lower.  I have a small area of the city where the corner store owner knows me and waves when I pass. I do take the subway with ease,  just like the leading lady in a movie. I can hail a taxi just like the best of them. I even strut along the busy streets with my headphones in, looking like I have someplace important to go. Although, instead of a high power exec job, it is usually a lunch date or school event I am going to. Nevertheless, my life could totally be a movie...maybe a very low budget, not-very-exciting movie...but my movie.

I have another confession though (different than the one where I am a grown woman playing make believe in movies)...it is not just big city flicks I have a place in my heart for. I also really love the ones in small, quaint towns where everyone knows each other (and their business) and there is always a charming town carnival or 4th of July celebration with white twinkling lights. Some of my favorites that fall into this category are Sleeping With The Enemy (freaky movie but love the town), Doc Hollywood, Kindergarten Cop, A Walk To Remember (actually any Nicholas Sparks inspired movie). This movie dream life is me living in a cottage with a front porch, in one of these quaint towns (probably in the South), with a neighbor that comes to my kitchen door to chat while I am making really yummy baked goods. 

Since we don't quite know where we will end up after this "movie wraps", it makes me wonder if my next movie dream will come true. Only time will tell...
What movie would you like to be the lead in, of your real life?

The Opposite of Alone

I am that girl who wanted everyone and their mother with me during child birth. It didn't really turn out that way either time, nevertheless I remember thinking (while writhing in pain), 

"This should be a party!" 

You may think I am kidding, I am not.

It is no secret that, while living in Beijing, I have had more alone time than in my other life. Funny how that can happen in a city of 22 million people.  

I also have been pondering about what brings me true happiness. For many it is exotic locales, feeling recognition at work or enjoying recreational hobbies. While each of those are fun for me I've always wondered why they didn't make me giddy on the inside. 

It wasn't until I was validated by an NPR show that I listen to that I truly learned about what makes up my happiest moments. One of the talk show hosts was saying he really didn't care about going and seeing hundred year old cathedrals. When I have said things like that...usually about things like a very long wall...people scoff and scorn and I have felt shallow. The host, very confidently, stated that he would much prefer staying home with family and close friends.

Duh! It seems obvious that people enjoy being around family and friends. But for me, that is ALL that matters! I can't tell you how many times I've been to exciting places and just couldn't enjoy it because my favorite people were missing. I think that is why I blog and Facebook ALL THE TIME. It helps me feel like those that I miss are right there with me. 

But, until recently, it never really clicked. Looking back, yes, the memories I cherish the most did not require fancy clothes, airplane tickets, elaborate equipment, or even detailed planning. It just had fun people there. I am the type of person who enjoys meetings, as long as the right people are there. 

Below are just a few of my favorite memories...see if you can see any patterns.

Laying on my bed, in my teenage room, listening to music and talking about Duran Duran (among many other hotties) with my BFFs.

The many, many social gatherings my roommates and I hosted at our college apartments. 

Any, and every, phone conversation that I have had with my sisters.

My wedding reception

Camp Drake

When hubby surprised me and showed up at Disneyland unexpected.

Backyard meals, countless gin rummy games, cheering on the SF Giants and just a few Johnny's Donuts with my mom and dad.

I have been known to say that I am happiest when my home is filled to the rim with the people I love. Our going away party was one I will always cherish.

I could go on and on...but every single one of the memories that make my tummy tickle has special people, lots of talking and usually good food! Must be the Italian in me! 

I think this has a lot to do with why happiness has been a challenge for me while here in Beijing. I do not have as much opportunity to make these same types of memories. But when they do happen, with special people I've met here, they are that much greater! 

A perfect example...Giants win the 2012 World Series and I am all alone.
Kids at school, hubby (DODGER FAN) at work, internet barely working.
I felt so very far away from home and loved ones.
But I made the best of it and celebrated anyway.
The Chinese ayis cleaning my apartment thought I was nuts!

I look ahead to just seven and a half weeks (yea I am counting).
Sure we will be surrounded by palm trees, tropical breezes and virgin lava flows... but what I am most looking forward to is just being around some of my very favorite people and making more life-long memories with them!

This post is dedicated to each and every person I have ever had a heart to heart talk with, giggled with, or shared a meal with. 
It's you that makes me the happiest.