Saturday, April 18, 2009

...on a more serious note...

Here I am!
I have been going through a bit of an identity crisis.
Let me lay it our for you:
  • People generally describe me as "fun" or "happy". I would tend to agree.
  • I have great faith, but like all, sometimes stumble on the journey.
  • I have supportive family and friends all around me.
  • I worked hard to become a stay-at-home mom after teaching school for 10 years, now I work part-time.

BUT...

  • I am having a difficult time defining myself at this point in my life, I am 36.
  • I am in mourning that my children are not "little" anymore, they are 7 1/2 and 11.
  • My part-time teaching job is being taken from me due to budget cuts.
  • Despite my life being "full" I struggle with filling it with meaningful things. It's almost like I have the time, but not the direction.
  • I feel lonely and guilty most of the time.
  • What makes me happy (besides my family and faith)?
  • What are my goals? What do I want to "do"?
  • How can I still be a good role model for my children when I am going through this weird transition?
  • How do I move forward when money is tighter than ever for us?

Can you relate? I know that other women must go through this sort of thing too. What helped you? Any words of wisdom on finding joy in the journey?

I feel weird putting myself "out there" like this, so be nice! :)

9 comments:

FrenchGardenHouse said...

Hi Jen, thanks so much for visiting me today! I so remember a time in my life like you are describing. Around the same age, too. What got me through that time was prayer, trusting God, and not being too hard on myself. Sometimes it just takes some time for us to find a "new" way to be. You are blessed, sweetie, with your children and those who love you. It will all fall into place.:)
xo Lidy

Tammy said...

You have so many wonderful and beautiful qualities. I know I feel the same way at this point. I'm scared to death with what we are doing. I have no idea who I am or what I am supposed to be doing. Of coruse also I am excited for the possibilities of being anyone I want to be. It is a big world with so much to offer and such change can seem like a very scary thing. hang in there friend!!! Love ya!

Kathie said...

{{{{Jen}}}}} I understand ... I really do. When I became a SAHM, I happily left my corporate position at The PGA Tour. It was a great job but I knew I wanted to put my family first.

After the whole "honeymoon" period of being a SAHM, I had many months of awkward bouts of depression, guilt and loneliness. I never considered myself a career woman but there I was ... a woman in the middle of an identity crisis. I just had no idea that my identity was so intertwined with my career. It was so disappointing.

Your faith will definitely see you through this period. HE obviously had a plan designed for you when He gave you more time for your beautiful family. You have been blessed with many talents and gifts. Maybe that's something you should contemplate on - how to use those gifts to satisfy the newly created time in your every day schedule.

Jen, this is Ky formerly from Ponderings from the Clothesline. You may remember I'm a Preschool Teacher. Recently, I've been entertaining and revisiting the whole idea of becoming a SAHM once again.

While it's scary to vacate ANY job in this economy, my family really needs me at the moment. Like you, I'm also mourning the fact that I now have a 7-1/2 year old and an 11 year old. My "baby" is about to go to middle school next year. Yikes! How did that happen? Anyway, all of the identity crisis stuff still concerns me b/c I have truly become a Preschool Teacher after 7 years and I often wonder "what" would satisfy that void in my life.

Sending giant hugs to you.

Jan the crazy lady said...

Been there, do that :0

So glad you can put things like this out there Jen. Sometimes typing it out really works. Seriously. Placing it helps. I can see why the "joy" thing resignated with you yesterday. I know that when we go through things, it isn't that simple. But at the same time, there are ways.

I think you are so awesome in all that you do. Remember your worth is great. Love ya and take care.

Poetry of Life said...

Oh Jen. This is one of the hardest things to go through ever. Wondering where you fit. I'm so sorry you feel guilty and lonely. I think as women we often have feelings like the ones you are experiencing. I don't have too many words of wisdom. It's hard to find joy in the journey every day, every moment when you are just hoping sometimes that the time will move faster. Then you look back and wonder where the time went.

You are a great mom and a wonderful friend. Not that I've had much time for this, but maybe serving would help? Getting involved somehow in the community. Or my favorite PLAN ANOTHER GIRLS NIGHT!

We love you Jen!!! Hang in there and keep your eye out for the direction Heavenly Father wants you to go.

Silcox Stories said...

I think you have taken the first step in this journey; recognizing that you are in a new season of life. A few years back, my old BYU dance company was in the area performing; we of course went to their concert and I sobbed through the entire thing. Fortunately my favorite teacher of all time was there and we spent quite a bit of time talking about seasons of life.

You are entering a new season. I suspect with time, especially with E getting older you will find yourself once again engaged in your kids lives as you take her from place to place, look to make your house the hang out house, coming up with fun, safe and the ever so important not "dorky" things for her and her friends to do.

Perahps this is part of the plan for you. Maybe Heavenly Father is asking you to dig deep and look around in places you haven't before, particularly within yourself. Who knows what it will take for you; it's different for everyone, but you will get there, you will get the answers, the comfort, the joy in this new season that you are looking for; that I am sure of!

And remember I am always a car ride, short walk, phone call away and would love to visit, anytime!

Benedict and Jessica said...

Man, I didn't have to read all the other posts to know how special you are to other people, I can just tell by there lengths :-). We all feel wishy washy about ourselves once in awhile, we are only human. I do it alot too. I love you, though, and you are a wonderful person in my life. Chin up. We should talk sometime soon. I miss you.

lynne said...

Jen - you are so wonderful and FULL of incredible talents and abilities. You consistently blow me away with what you are able to accomplish, and the beauty which you create all around you. There is no one else like you.

Remind me to give you the Chieko Okazaki chapter that Karen Romney gave me last year... xoxo

K~ said...

Can I relate to budget cuts? Heck yes....I just spent two and a half years of my life turning myself into the perfect Berkeley applicant, only for them to tell me they are sorry but can't offer me a place.

Cheer up, it'll all work out...everything happens for a reason...or at least that's what I keep telling myself...